This is actually quite a while after the last post. I've been writing all of this down in installments in emails, and I hadn't written in a while. That's also why the font changes halfway through.
After beating up these giant evil trolls (just an average day), My character was unconscious, so I decided to introduce my NEW character. He (or rather I) entered the story riding on a sheep and shouting random things. Once it was clear that I was completely insane I mellowed out a bit. I sent the sheep off and started following the group. It’s a mark of how uninteresting I was that no one even wondered what happened to my old guy. They just left him unconscious and bleeding on the side of the road. All this despite the fact that I had saved half of their lives during the battle.
After traveling for a short time we came across a small cottage. Cask kicked down the door before realizing it was inhabited. One of our guys tried to cover up for him before I ruined everything by saying “I think your house is on fire. And I think I started it”. He responded with “ aren't you the one who stole my sheep?”
After a hasty retreat, we headed to the nearby city. There were these big holes in the walls, and we tried to use a rope to get through one. After almost everyone in the party failed to do so, I used my amazing rope climbing skills to get inside the city walls, along with our drunk dog. We both rolled a spot check (basically a look around and see what’s there check) to see the city. I rolled really high and the other guy rolled really low. Chase took us aside and told us the city was half-destroyed, but there were plenty of people still alive. I instantly went to the other side of the “Wall” and yelled down that the town was fine, but everyone was dead. DEAD!
Of course, everyone was starting to catch on by this point, and wanted a second opinion. As the other guy was explaining it and they had the inevitable discussion on what to do next, I began whispering instructions to Chase (the DM). I stealthily climbed down the other side of the wall and began talking to people. I was getting awesome rolls on charisma (people skills) and eventually ended up talking to the chief guard. I convinced him that we were friendly and that they should stop shooting arrows and open the gate. I stood dramatically in front of it as it opened, and the others, dumbfounded, entered the city. They were a bit more accepting after that.
After that things started getting kind of boring. Everyone was trying to talk to the incompliant townspeople, and we eventually reached the conclusion that they had been under siege every night by these demon things. Meanwhile, I was wandering the city. I went over to this huge stone throne thing and sat in it. Nothing happened. I saw some lights, but I think that was just Chase messing with me, because next he told me that I noticed my feet were no longer touching the ground*. I then went to the stairs up the wall and tried to get the guard to let me pass. He was like one of those British guys with the big hats. I tried poking him in the eyes to make him blink, saying weird stuff, charisma checks, and threatening him. He was a tough cookie. I tried using my rope to climb the wall, but kept falling down. Meanwhile, everyone was trying to argue with this blacksmith lady, who was beating them up by throwing stuff over her shoulders. When she was done she started talking (very curtly) to them. Meanwhile again, I asked Chase for a “relieve boredom” check. A guard came along the wall and cut my rope and Chase started the countdown till dusk. Getting quite frustrated, I walk back to the stair guard, but not to bother him.
My companions were beginning to get angry, and there were raised voices across the table. Then, cutting cold and clear through the mass of arguments, a single voice, quite calmly, said “I slit his throat”. One by one they all fell silent as this registered. They looked at me. Then at Chase. Then at me. It was clear that Chase was thinking VERY quickly.
“You walk resolutely up to the guard…and…uh…forgot to draw your dagger. You run your hand across his throat and he doesn't react in any way.
Everyone sighs with relief. Then, with perfect timing, his watch alarm goes off.
“The sun sets and everyone begins frantically heading for some post or other.”
And so a battle began against the evil demon things. I was still in the stair room trying to get past the guard, who kept stopping me, when Frank the Elven Archer ran right past me and told me the guard wasn't there anymore. I lowered my sword rather dejectedly before an incredible idea occurred to me. A wonderful, awful idea. At this point, I knew I had to leave early, so I was going out with a bang. I used my charisma to tell a guard to open the gate (small point: this is a bad idea when under siege). I ran to the stables adjacent to the room, stole a horse and, instead of heading for the gate, began riding it up the stairs. A confused Cask (confused because the gates were open) had already engaged the enemy, and Frank was shooting arrows. My tactic: I jumped the horse off of the battlements, throwing my lethal boomerang. That caused a bit of a stir. I landed relatively unharmed, although the horse had four broken legs. I was a little jealous because I had only ever managed two. I really had to leave then, so I hopped through the fourth wall and wasn't seen again for the duration of the battle. Some speculation says that I was hiding in a pit. I resemble that.
“Role-playing game” is sort of a nerdy term. I prefer “interactive storytelling”.
*This is called foreshadowing, although none of us realized it at the time. Not even Chase. In fact, this whole thing leads up to more stuff later.
P(ost)S(cript)! check out throwingflasksofacid.blogspot.com
It's amazing.That is all! Good day, and if there's an apocalypse, good luck.
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